Hannah Joy
It was a simple sticky note.
Yellow.
Stuck to my Bible on my nightstand. And it said,
"I'm not your baby anymore. But I still love you, mama."
I rubbed it gently between my fingers fighting my hot cheeks and imminent tears, as I grappled with the reality that my sweet kindergartner was beginning to show her independence and ability. I thought back to earlier in the day when I lovingly and with great affection answered my youngest with the words, "Yes, baby." Obviously, my gently used moniker for our little one left her feeling less than great. Compelled to tell me the truth, she left the note to make her point. How often does God point out the truth, painful as it is...always ending with, BUT I STILL LOVE YOU. A precious message and life lesson I received from my tender child that day.
This child...a child whom love escaped for quite a time. Living in an orphanage the first eleven months of her life, thrust into a new home, new world, new family. Not yet ready to love with full abandon, she eased her way into commitment and attachment.
Slowly, like a flower opening petal by petal, she grew and emerged, blossoming into the loving girl I now see. I adored her before I ever knew her; she had reason to doubt love. She has taught me daily about God's love...in the threshold of parenting, we can most closely feel that unconditional love God has shown us in the love we hold for our children. It is possibly one of the finest representations of that original love that we can find. He loved us before we loved Him.
It is the simple truth.
As a toddler, our daughter held onto raw emotions, causing us to seek deeper, stronger, more passionately God's truths and how to parent her without shattering her beautiful spirit. The first time she uttered the words, "I love you Mama", she held my face in her little hands. She was two and a half and we were visiting my older daughter's school as they rehearsed for the winter concert. Literally, a choir of angels sang as she melted into my own frame. I have to believe that my rejoicing resembles that of the Lord's each time a new son or daughter receive Him lovingly into their hearts. Oh how He must dance!
May it be that in gladness, sadness, truthfulness, and life, we can accept God's instruction and guidance all the while knowing BUT HE STILL LOVES US.
Is God speaking to you or has He spoken to you? Has He whispered to you truth, perhaps painful to bear? Let that not discourage you, rather encourage you as you grow in your relationship with Him. Seek His truths, knowing full well He loves you with a love uncompromising, unyielding, unlike anything else we can ever experience.
Beautifully written Heather. I love your family picture. Do your girls ever NOT have a smile on their faces? I guess with you as their mom they can't help it.
ReplyDeleteLove ya!
Erika
Wow, so beautiful! I was in tears from the moment I saw the beautiful pictures all the way through every word. I thank the Lord for people like you that selflessly take a step of faith into the world of adoption. My heart is to one day be able to change a little life forever, just as you have. May the Lord continue to bless your family!
ReplyDeleteWow! Heather, that was powerful. God does love us......anyway......unconditionally, unwaveringly. How grateful I am for that and for your reminder of that today. I really need that reminder...every day! So flawed yet so covered by His love and grace. Keep writing! Keep using that gift, Girl!!!
ReplyDeleteMuch love, jenn : ) xoxo
Heather ~ I love that God put Hannah Joy in your family, and your family in Hannah Joy!!!
ReplyDeleteI LOVE how God loves us perfectly. He loves us through our goofs and our need for do-overs (sometimes that is several times a minute for me!).
Baby Love! Faith like a child in our amazing God!
Hugs
Sharon